September 30th is Ask A Stupid Question Day.

I won't be in the studio to celebrate it, as I'll be out teaching all day. Which, come to think of it, might provide ample celebration...


September 30th marks the much venerated
Ask a Stupid Question Day.

But it remains a day
like any other for
Eliza Lee Bonodona, who,
for once in her vibrant young life,
would like to take
her Capybara,
"Mr. Whiskers,"
to the park without without
having to respond to
the ubiquitous,
"Dude,
how old is that
Guinea Pig?"

It's National Grammar Day!

March 4th is National Grammar Day,
and so it bears mentioning that even if, in the end, the statement
"Ain't no way no flying pig's gonna hit this spot twice,"
achieves through its triple negative
an outcome no less negative than intended,
such a syntactic transgression rarely goes
uncontradicted or
unpunished.

Happy Groundhog Day.

Uncle Chip would often detail
just how he'd shot it,
while his sister Mary would tell us
how easy it had been to clean.
It tasted a good deal like pot roast,
but pot roast made from a very,
very small cow.

Woroniak Family Groundhog

One Groundhog, cleaned and with scent gland removed, cut into sections.
One white onion, halved.
Three medium carrots, sliced.
Water.
Vegetable oil.
Salt and pepper.


Heat oil in a large skillet, brown ground hog sections.
Transfer to dutch oven.
Reduce heat, add one cup water and simmer till water reduces by 1/2. Repeat.
Add onion, carrots, and more water. Continue to simmer until sauce reduces and carrots are tender.

Salt and pepper to taste.

National Pie Day, among other things...

A Cautionary Note In This Festive Time

While it is entirely true that
December 1st is National Pie Day,
and the first week of December marks
Recipe Greetings for the Holidays Week,
it is also worth noting that the whole
thirty-one days as a unit constitutes
(in the more temperate climates,
but I kid you not nonetheless)
Cooked Grasshoppers Month.

There was a crooked man.

Quoth dear Mother Goose:

There was a crooked man
Who walked a crooked mile.
He found a crooked six pence
Against a crooked stile.
He bought a crooked cat
Who caught a crooked mouse,
And they all lived together
in a crooked little house.

Aside from the wonderful weirdness of this nursery rhyme—it reads more like a Tom Waits boozer than an evening lullaby—there were some things in particular that excited me once I decided the crooked man would have a mean case of scoliosis an over-sized orthopedic shoe.

The main detail was the stile. A stile is apparently a human passageway through or over a livestock fence, sometimes a narrow opening, sometimes a small series of steps, and other times a pairing of ladders. Whatever the variety, they are never handicapped accessible, and the "crooked" quality of this one indicates it's not a simple opening between barbed wire posts. And the crooked man, pondering the impossibility of the short climb ahead, finds instead a crooked six pence at his feet.

And that is enough for him to purchase for himself a crooked cat. I originally wanted a manx, a tailless cat...every see one walking? Crooked. Of course, if this wasn't obvious enough, a cat with no tail in a painting could just look like an oversight, so I gave in and gave him a tail. And a crooked mouse (on the brim of the pork pie hat).

After all that good fortune and comeraderie, where else could they possibly live together in all their curmudgeonly creakiness?

You are certainly not my neighbor's cat.

pen and ink, 5in. x 7 in.

That is, the skittish gray tabby we set the trap for
whose green eyes glared out at me
from beneath my shamefully uncool minivan.
You are not that cat.
Yet you return again and again,
drawn by a fly specked can of sun-warmed tuna
and hunkering silently in the corner of the cage
chagrined by your greed and gullibility perhaps.
Your gray coat reminds me of the wily mane
donned by an old writing professor of mine,
while your tail at a glance
resembles some ancient, exotic root vegetable.
And finally my friend,
if it must be pointed out,
your smell—
your smell is not spectacular.